#I would kill to replay these games with a new person again

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

Me: I love danganronpa but its a complicated series with a lot of faults. I would never recommend it to anyone.

Also me: .... WHO WANTS TO PLAY DANGANRONPA WITH ME !!!!

[madame-mortician]

So I finished Silent Hill 2’s remake and saw a theory going around which I agree with and want to talk about.

Spoilers obviously.

So before I say the actual theory itself I have to talk about another “theory.” I put it in quotes because it’s so heavily implied that it’s basically canon. The theory is that Silent Hill 2’s story is a loop, and this is not the first time James has gone through Silent Hill. The idea is that any time James dies or gets one of the bad endings (In Water, Maria and technically Dog) he always ends up back at the start, because he didn’t learn from his mistake and move on. Silent Hill is refusing to give up and forcing him to face the truth, and anytime James chooses the easy way out or refuses to move on entirely the town forces him back. The main evidence of this theory is:

The corpses around the town are all James. Likely from previous loops where he died to random enemies.

Maria getting the same illness as Mary and James saying she better do something about it. This implies she’ll get sick like Mary, and James will kill her again, learning nothing from what just happened.

Most of the writing found on the wall seems to be written by James. Either subconsciously put there by the town or literally left there by a previous James who caught on to the fact he was stuck in a loop.

After completing Silent Hill 2 at least once, and replaying to get the Rebirth ending, the second James sees Maria dressed like Mary he instantly calls her out, even to her surprise. He already knows it’s Maria because that’s what happened last time.

So that was a popular theory of the original game. Now here in the remake it still works. It works even better in fact, for you see that’s where the new theory comes in. The new theory is that the remake is one of the many loops from the original game. It’s very likely this loop is one of the later ones and let me explain some of my evidence:

Maria is dressed completely differently. Her new outfit is sort of the perfect mix of Maria’s old clothes and Mary’s dress. It seems to imply that after being rejected by James before in some of the loops, she’s slowly becoming more and more like Mary to better appeal to him. She even shows off her old outfit, and though James wouldn’t remember it, Maria would and is sort of mocking him by asking if he would’ve preferred she wore it.

Maria’s personality is also different. She’s less rude and sexual here. Yes she is still sexual and pretty manipulative but not to the extent of the original. Why that’s interesting is because she’s actually portrayed much more sympathetically, with even James taking pity on her, even knowing she’s not real. Like what I said about her outfit, it’s almost like she’s softened her personality to be more appealing than she was previously.

I think Pyramid Head is also a big one. In the original game he was way more monstrous and would instantly go for you. Here he seems bored more often than not. The best example is the closet scene. In the original he was assaulting a mannequin before going to James in the closet who shoots him. It clearly doesn’t do much, but Pyramid Head still flails around like he’s hurt. In the remake he isn’t assaulting a mannequin, the monster is already dead and Pyramid Head chucks it, seeming bored waiting for James. When James gets in the closet, he still approaches him and just stares straight at James. When James shoots him, he doesn’t react instantly, he continues staring at him. Only after a few awkward moments does he actually begin to flail around and then leave. How I interpret this is that since Pyramid Head remembers the loops but James doesn’t, Pyramid Head already knows he’s in the closet and goes up to him, and when James shoots him (despite knowing it wouldn’t do anything) Pyramid Head stares at him like “we’re really doing this?” before awkwardly flailing around. He’s not hurt, he’s basically acting. Whenever he appears he will still hunt James, but he really seems bored, which he likely would be since this would be one of the later loops.

There’s also references to the older game, specifically meaning this would be a loop canon to the original. The first one is that one of the corpses has a copy of the original SH2 map on him. This not only confirms that the corpse is James, but also that it’s one of the original James’. Another Easter egg I can think of, is the rooftop scene. In the original game, Pyramid Head pushed James through a fence and he fell off the roof, despite landing indoors? Here in the remake, Pyramid Head shoves him through the floor instead (which also adds to my point earlier about the newer Pyramid Head seeming more impatient than originally.) Why this is interesting is because you can still find the area of the fence James was originally pushed through, and it’s broken. This implies James was still pushed through it, yet we clearly see he wasn’t, he was shoved through the floor. This means that James was still pushed through the fence in previous loops, just like in the original game.

Eddie mentions killing James before, and him returning. To be fair here, he probably means the James corpses everywhere and isn’t referring to the original boss fight but it still implies a loop.

During the endings, whenever James speaks with Maria he is more sympathetic and understanding of her. He’s quicker to realise it’s not Mary, and he tries his nicest to reason with Maria unlike in the original where he kinda just said she wasn’t Mary and was mad she tricked him. The way I view this is that after being through so many loops, he’s gotten close to Maria even though she isn’t Mary. He still wouldn’t give up Mary for her, but he understands Maria more and doesn’t want to hurt her. He tries to talk it through, and Maria even considers it briefly but she literally can’t let him go. It goes against her entire purpose and thus she always transforms into a monster.

Another one is a line change I noticed. In the original game after Angela asks if James is keeping the knife for himself James says “I’d never kill myself.” In the remake he doesn’t say anything. This implies that he would and this is likely because James subconsciously knows he would, because he did in the previous loops (In Water.)

Another small detail I noticed is the broken puzzles you can find. Now there’s a lot of broken shit in Silent Hill, but nothing important is ever broken. The entire point of the puzzles is for James to solve them to progress. The town, nor any of its monsters would ever purposefully break a puzzle, and even if they did it would be in a way where James could easily fix it. If the town ever broke a puzzle, and made it impossible for James to progress then there’s no point, so they wouldn’t do that, it defeats the purpose. So who is breaking all these puzzles? I doubt Eddie or Angela would be destroying random puzzles, and Laura likely doesn’t even see any puzzles. So who is it then? Well, I believe these are puzzles broken by previous James’. The puzzles that are destroyed don’t have a purpose anymore, and since they’re broken we can’t really have James solve them to progress, so they’ve been replaced by new ones in the current loop. Perhaps a previous James got mad at one of the puzzles being too hard and broke it. This likely would’ve meant he was softlocked and wasn’t able to progress and either was killed or just eventually died because he couldn’t continue. Whilst now the puzzles are replaced, you can still find the old ones. They aren’t puzzles from the original game, but this still implies a loop.

*UPDATE: A mystery was solved in SH2’s remake that confirms James has been in a loop for 20 years. This confirms the loop theory, and since 20+ years ago was when the original game came out, it also seems to imply that the second theory about the loop being canon to the original game is true too.

[allmannerofmalady]

In continuation of my clownery, I started a new DATV playthrough because my beloved Inquisitor looked so jarring I had to remake her and replay like 20 hours of the game. But hey, I made peace with the fact that I am playing DATV to wrap up Inquisition and get an ending scene at this point, I'm not currently foreseeing a second playthrough, so I gotta do it right, y'know?

Spoilers, and me complaining at extreme length, yet again, about my own personal expectations vs reality into the void. Please ignore if DATV negativity is something you prefer to stay away from, protect your peace & what you enjoy.

So I replay HOURS. I'm having fun killing everything as fast as I can - I don't know what it is about playing as a rogue in this game that has tickled my ADHD brain so much, but I'm surprisingly really good at the arrow bonanza and relentless enemy aggro?! This turn based bitch? I digress.

I see my bb Inquisitor Lavellan - she still doesn't look like herself, but I can live with it. She got some ill-advised fillers in Tevinter, she's been through a lot, let her LIVE.

This time around my strategy is pure lore hunting. I'm getting every codex, I'm SQUEEZING this playthrough for whatever lore/easter eggs I can get because idk if I'm going to play again. I got all of Solas' murals early on, got Mythal's essence before Weisshaupt even, I think. BUT WAIT! I have one more treat! The locked room in the Lighthouse! Solas' study! There must be something juicy for all the effort, right? RIGHT? :'D

I know it's been beaten to death, but PERSONALLY, the game still feels incredibly flat to me, jarringly so. If I'm in the Dreadwolf's home, I want to snoop. I want Rook to look through his library, his books, his garbage bin. I even remember the devs saying they wanted being in the Lighthouse to feel an old friends house, or something? I could be wrong, my brain is fried. It's not just a Solas thing - I'm playing this game because I'm desperate for info about the characters I love, but as Rook, we are IN Solas' HQ and I want to rip open the floorboards. I'm trying to RP as much as I can RP in this G.

Anyway, I was so thirsty for something more, something deeper than just these lovely environments I cant do much with, and notes on how Solas hoards raisins - so I collected the wisps and did all the things to unlock the second door in the Lighthouse, forever booboo the fool, thinking I would get some juicy content or something. Trying to stay positive.

No. NO. I got some gear, another empty room Rook has no comments on, and fine, some of Solas' observations on the anchor. It does seem to confirm he kept the Inquisitor’s arm aaaand I love him your honour.

Back to backflipping and shooting arrows in the air, and wanting to grab Emmrich by the beautiful lapels to shake him and ask about the Pentaghast family. Where's my WIFE --

On to the Weisshaupt mission, which was actually ridiculously fun to play - until I was told Weisshaupt is gone haha wow great love that at least the Inquisitor & gang are keeping Southern Thedas safe *subtle foreshadowing* 😃🤞 weeee

I was SO MAD at myself for expecting more like the clown that I am, it was something dumb but just annoyed me all over again and got me all… opinionated 🫠

So, I'm mad again. I cannot begin to articulate my feelings about the incredible amount of storylines and lore we've lost with the decisions made in DATV's writing - they've already been written so eloquently by much greater minds than myself. SO I'm just laughing my way through the pain 🤡

People pleaser that I am, I see other creators I've followed and loved for ages defend the game's choices, tell others they lack media literacy, that your criticisms mean you have rose tinted glasses about the previous games - whatever, your opinion can be valid without tearing others down. So, I genuinely thought something was wrong with me for being so hung up on details. But I can't even engage in fan theories anymore because I'm so jaded at this point. When I see new deep dives into lore-based theories on the game, 99% of the time my mind goes "There is no deeper meaning. They just wanted to wrap it up." Why do you think this thing happened? What do you think that thing is hinting? Nothing. And this is coming from someone who played all the games, owns all the novels, art books, World of Thedas I and II, the bloody Inquisitor lamp from the BioWare store LOL, I was primed and ready to engage in these conversations, but I can't. I have nothing to say that won't end in a cynical answer, and maybe that's because I'm also jaded by working in the game-adjacent VFX industry.

The factions are, yet again, fun but shallow, the logic confusing, and lack much of a backstory for Rook (I think Grey Wardens and Mourn Watchers seem to be the best developed from other reviews and playthroughs, I've only played extensively as a Shadow Dragon, to be fair). Why are you a mage in this one faction? Why are you a rogue in another when it doesn't make sense without a story to support it? It's all this beautiful candy floss that melts away the minute I stop and think about it. And then the cynic in me thinks - these are probably vestiges of the live service part of the game that EA was pushing for. I have to slap myself and stop looking for deeper meaning within corporate decisionsssss there is no swimming pool behind that closed door you needed 7 wisps for 😃

I desperately did not want this to be the case. I was hyped. I preordered the game and organized vacation around it, I'm too old and dealing with way too many crappy personal things to just be a hater for the sake of being a hater. Gaming and Dragon Age are my comfort spaces. But for the LIFE of me, I can't imagine playing DATV again once I finish, let alone more times than I can count like the previous games. Or imagine listening to 4 hours of Youtube videos of party banter to analyze, or even imagine how companions would react to certain things because they feel so stiff. Everything is beautiful, but sterile.

I do love Emmrich - I'm enjoying his storyline and romance, it's like the loveliest most whimsical Vincent Price Pixar romance, but still, something is always missing with the characters even as some do grow on me. I can't imagine anything close to just the party banter ALONE between Solas and Iron Bull. Cole. Fenris and Anders. And to be clear - the whole DA was GRITTY and DARK, DAO supremacy - NOT ME. I love all the games but they have always been whimsical and silly, cringey at times, and did not take themselves seriously. I remember doing the quest where Hawke is running around trying to keep Aveline's date with Donnic from going south, cracking up at how ridiculous it was, and just thinking - gods I LOVE this game.

Speaking of romance, while I'm enjoying how sweet the romance with Emmrich is, when I see others complaining about lack of spice... ahem. I still cannot get over the art style when it comes to characters. This is subjective, and a me problem - I still find it jarring. I don't like the proportions, the bloom, how smooth everyone looks. They still mostly look like cartoons to me, with no body hair and the big heads, and I find everyone's hands so distracting because they look like plasticine. I'm ok with no spice between these characters with their current designs lol let me leave it at that. Ok, except for Felassan and Solas, chef's kiss, no notes.

Solas and story elements directly around him still mostly hold the familiar weight, for the most part. I think credit goes to his amazing VA and the strength of what was likely written for his arc from the very start, before the rewrites and dev hell the game went through. I still have opinions, obviously, but even as a ride or die Solavellan I don't like having the Solavellan angle hijack conversations, so I'm not going to go there. If I'm going to criticize stuff I'll do it as a gamer/DA fan first, egg lover and apologist second.

As I reach the end of Act 2, the game continues to makes me feel like I'm stripped of all agency after a lifetime of playing choice-based games. I talk to companions when it allows me to, then they are relegated to set dressing. My conversation choices all feel the same, or don't match what I'm choosing sometimes. The Lighthouse does not feel like the vibrant hub it was sold as. I am on quests I mostly cannot accept or reject. I cannot interact with my surroundings unless it is gameified (light a candle, move a crystal). The companions abilities are all just - platforming? I know I sound hyperbolic, but it's all I can see currently.

I played Persona 5 from end to end, twice. I played FFXVI. I loved both, had no issues with their linear storytelling, and how the game led you to their end points. Those games are not DA, they did not have the expectations you would have from a BioWare title 10 years in the making. You were not lured in by tales of an incredible character creator, teased about what might be coming from previous games, told this was a sequel to an immersive fantasy RPG series in a beloved fantasy world where the defining studio mechanic was CHOICES MATTER, even when they changed a lot of other things from title to title. In P5/FFXVI you were Clive, you were Joker, you were playing out their story. They were not direct sequels to anything. I'm loathe to be seen as a mindless critic who just wants to shit on things, but a part of me does feel emotionally manipulated for $$$. I still resent how much hype was built for the game by maligning the previous ones (we're fixing Inquisition's mistakes!!).

I'm back to my mission of finishing the game I paid for, enjoy what I can, and get my Solavellan ending scene cause I'm down BAD for literally the only ship I have ever shipped🧍🏻‍♀️I appreciate that it was included. But also - wow does it exacerbate what wasn't included for everyone else's choices.

Something I hate is how everyone immediately jumped on the Baldur's Gate 3 comparisons - BG3 was a life changing game for me, but it's not perfect, and the comparisons are not fair. The one thing I will say is that when I first played BG3, despite its issues and the later criticisms of how Larian reacted to pressure from fans, I remember my earliest impression was - it feels good to be respected as a player. I didn't feel the game was talking down to me, and I got SO much for what I paid for (700 hours baybeee). Jaheira and Minsc were included as companions in homage to the previous games. Yes, they did Viconia dirty, nothing is perfect - but for example, Jaheira would tell you about her husband Khalid from the original games, which came out in 1998 and 2000. There was a lot of world building/easter eggs that not everyone was familiar with or even noticed, because not every player played BG1 and 2, or were familiar with DND 5e - but it was included. Drizzt Do’urden was mentioned ffs, they didn’t overthink about who read those books or not. I’m aware of my biases and I may very well be looking through rose tinted glasses, but I did not feel like the information was presented like I was dumb, or "ah they'll never understand this - SCRAP IT". It just feels like it’s there to honour the past and out of love for the world Larian were playing in.

—> edit to say that I do notice and enjoy the codex entries, callbacks to Tevinter Nights, Masked Empire, the older games. I wish that care and detail was woven into the main story and overall end product and not just background fluff. I know others are satisfied with those additions, wish that were me. I saw a tweet saying that every callback to a previous game or storyline actually pissed them off even more lol, I relate.

I don't feel that respect for the player in DATV, I'm sorry. There is love there, but as hard as I try, it feels like it's there despite of the overall design of the game, not part of it. I keep remembering interviews before the game was released and things that were promised, and I don't see it. At all. No more meaningless fetch quests!! Most companion-focused game! The quests are largely boring or formulaic, but addictive and fun because they are so packed with mindless combat that my brain enjoys. Sometimes it feels like filler - we didn't know what to add here, FIGHT! You unlocked a poignantly named gate in the Crossroads? NO STORY MORE FIGHT! And I'm eating it up, let me not be a hypocrite, I have 80 hours in the game. But personally, it feels designed to pad out this beautiful, sometimes fun, but bitterly shallow game. I can't even go into companion specifics because I have nothing to say, no story I want to analyze. Some have grown on me, but there is no bite or nuance to the writing that compels me and I have no urge to know more. In the previous DA games I would take the long route wherever I went just to get more banter from my companions, and I was instantly interested in them, even if I disliked them. I've seen the comments, I tried, I don't think it's because "I haven't spent enough time" with the DATV companions.

The level design of long narrow corridors, which do remind me of DA2 and FFXVI, has become so predictable to me that I almost always know exactly where I'm going to find loot. So it becomes this admittedly satisfying run of grabbing and fighting to the end point, getting the dopamine hits of collecting pointless stuff, but not really taking in the environments and enjoying the adventure. The level design is not immersive. These do not feel like real cities or real people, and that was intentional. It feels like “levels”, not a World. No one reacts to a single thing you do. Even in the ultra minimalist style of Zelda BOTW, townspeople would react to things you did. Sometimes I walk up to yet another obvious fight arena where the enemies are just chilling, waiting for me while standing still - almost like they're on shift at a haunted house LOL. I can imagine the Venatori stubbing out a cigarette, "C'mon guys, she's here, showtime". The funny part is this has all been seen before in older games, and it never bothered me. My own expectations and overhype might be to blame, but it feels like a big step back when so many games are stepping forward. Me = clown

I keep going back to my first reaction when the disappointment hit me. It feels like being given Persona 5 Strikers or Hyrule Warriors, and told that it's the sequel to the actual RPG. It's fun, it wears the skin of the thing you like that makes you happy, but stops there.

Other things I shake my fist at

Cheap ass The 6th Sense ass Varric death. Yes, yes, Solas villain arc whatever - it was cheap. Way to honour a multi-game beloved character and the player, even if the time had come for him to die in the story.

No, I cannot find a single redeeming reaction from a companion that makes Varric dying make sense in hindsight, except that they are all made of cardboard. I saw comments saying on a second playthrough it's clear Harding is in mourning - sorry, I don't see it.

So. Dorian, the Inquisitor, Charter, Harding, your party, Maevaris, Isabella, list goes on - not a single one of them asks about Varric or mentions his death? Expresses condolences? Nothing? Cheap. Even if Solas was playing with your mind, doesn't it make the overall characters in the game seem even more wooden and unrealistic to the player? It was not the gotcha they seem to think it is.

When the novelty of the cameos and the emotion associated wore off, they were just flat and felt random. Cassandra should have been there, doing Seeker shit (my WIFE). Ok no cameo? Casual dialogue with Emmrich about having a Nevarran in the Inquisition (or as the Divine?!) Lucanis info dumping about Josephine as an Antivan, Zevran as a Crow, nvm, time for a coffee joke. Merrill, eluvian queen, how is she a nonentity? Habibi Fenris should have been in the Shadow Dragons, spitting on the ground after being approached by Solas to join his uprising (lol what uprising amirite). Ok I'm cooking hire me Bioware 🍳 but at least they can remain untainted by the Isabella Treatment (tm)

This leads into the yeeting of the Keep, world states, choices, and hypocrisy around claiming to want to level the playing field for new players. No, all I can see is - it was treated as a buffet that they picked from as it suited. This is the one disappointment I will never let go of. Facsimile's of beloved character cameos were tossed in, you could not really talk to them outside of what limited dialogue you were allowed. Certain world states are now canon apparently - Dorian being recruited in the Inquisition, Morrigan drinking from the Well etc. You want a reboot and you've committed to tossing the choices and burning down Thedas (literally)? Go down with GLORY! Have all the previous main characters/companions alive. Have them all mentioned, even in passing. A portrait on a wall. Say goodbye to them, get your reboot. Honour what you built your business on. But yeah, Emmrich and Harding get to have their picnic in Fereldan fml bye

The argument of: well, the games are old now, it shouldn't matter. Ah - not too old to capitalize on the IP and DA name? Not too old to use some cameos to lure old players? The argument of - it was too many choices to track. Ok cut them down, but don't go scorched earth? 3 choices, mostly irrelevant to those who don't care about Solas (could never be me), and then literally telling you everything else in the South and Weisshaupt is now razed to the ground. But also the illuminati did everything.

FINALLY - the Inquisition should have been in charge of the hunt for Solas, hill I will die on. Fine, have Rook, but Inquisitor should have been the other protagonist. The people... who knew Solas best and betrayed by him... who were in an organization to save the world... Why did we have that cunty dagger stabbed into the map of Tevinter cliffhanger to have the Inquisitor reduced to a pyjama wearing husk BIOWAAAAAAAARE

It's this stuff that builds up, and makes me think - does this game hate its fanbase and source material that much? I very obviously need to go touch some grass 🤠

I keep engaging with Reddit, Tumblr, Twitter - all to my detriment because it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me for not loving it, all over again. I also desperately have a fic in me I would love to write, an ode to the story in my head from years of loving the world of Thedas, a love letter to my Lavellan and others - but idk what to do with the post-DATV world atp. I just want to get through Act 2/3, get my Solavellan smooch, ignore the ~secret Illuminati ending, and be grateful I'm not a Mass Effect fan so I don't have to go through this again 🐣

[spot-the-antisemitism]

jewish gamer, started replaying wolfenstein new colossus (honestly not out of any political thing, I just looked through my steam library for games I hadn't played in a while) and it got me thinking

the nazis in wolfenstein are so cartoonishly obviously evil that it feels unnecessary, but then i remember seeing people say that david duke has some good points. it made me realize that if the games presented actual nazi talking points, a bunch of leftists would be trying to switch sides.

it also makes me wonder if gamers kill the wolfenstein nazis not because they disagree with them, but because they're gauche

Dear gamer anon,

yeah the early Wolfestein games were described by Harlan Ellison as the “mindless McNazis shootemup” because it was so generic and his take on Nimdok was sooo much more nuanced and while he’s the only man to pull off a Jewish nazi character without being antisemitic he’s overselling himself and underselling wolfenstein. yes Wolfenstein was basically those nazplotation pulps of plucky he-man soldier fighting cardboard cut out nazi stock villians brought to video games. The nazis have as much personality as the demons in the first doom. And even in the newest game that hadn’t changed.

what I think people ignore is that the protagonist was early on given a POLISH name and later retconned as a Polish Jew. So many of these pulps and movies adapting them like Indiana Jones have a gentile American at the helm of the nazi fighting. To have a Pole and later a Jew turns it into a different narrative and a different kind of power fantasy. But a power fantasy about punching cartoonish nazis in the face nonetheless.

Again New Collusus is secretly about the Trump administration hence all the gags about how silly Americans are and elderly Hitler peeing into a bucket and shooting Reagan isn’t about accurate Nazis it’s a leftist satire of America. I actually like new collosus, it has a great story and the protagonists are fleshed out for once, but sadly not the Villains.

As for accurate Nazis radicalizing anyone that is some “Video Games cause violence” bullshit and the same rhetoric as “reading the beetle will make you Islamophobic and reading Trilby will make you antisemitic“. Ellison’s I have no mouth and I must scream exists and so does neo-nazi made game KZ simulator and neither has radicalized anyone (in fact you only buy the latter if you ARE radicalized into neonazism).

So no the gamers punch nazis in the face not because they disagree politically or because they’re gauche but because it’s the American power fantasy

Yours,

Cecil

[ramonag-if]

Hii, I want to ask RO's reaction if it's ok, but if it's make u uncomfortable u can ignore this👉👈

I want to ask how RO's reaction when they got a news that MC been kidnapped(like, it's been 2 days they didnt see mc and their spies tell them the news) , and RO's send their troops/assassins/spies to save MC and successfully did it, but when they bring mc back to ro's, mc is unconscious and injured pretty serious and ro's know that mc have been beaten/tortured to plump because they didn't spill any information about ro's to the kidnapper

Thank you author, if it's too confusing or make you uncomfortable you can pass this ask👉👈 I love your story and I can't stop to replaying the game over and over again❤️👉👈

Thanks for the ask!

Irus: He'd be furious that anyone hurt the MC but more devastated that he allowed the MC to get hurt. He'd be at their side while they healed and would never forgive himself for what happened.

Elora: She's relieved that the MC is safe and alive and would retaliate by sending her guards after those who tortured the MC.

Oren: He'd be heartbroken to see the MC hurt and would apologise non-stop to the MC and would be beside himself with the knowledge that he failed to keep the MC safe.

Anu: She's just relieved that the MC is alive. She would get her revenge by killing each person who tortured the MC.

[prince-liest]

lays down and makes high pitched noises of distress

Astarion romance confession scene is. BONKERS. exactly what I wanted from a character like this

he literally comes up to you like "hey, um. bad news. I feel like crap because I originally slept with you because I feared being abandoned and seducing you was the only way I knew how to find safety, except I accidentally tripped into love and it turns out that I would like this to be real" and then he confesses that intimacy just makes him hate himself and if you tell him that you care about him he looks scared shitless

THIS IS NOT THE EXPRESSION OF A MAN WHO KNOWS WHAT TO DO WITH BEING TOLD THE PERSON HE JUST LAID HIS SOUL BARE TO ACTUALLY GIVES A SHIT

that's his actual response. "Really?"

YES YOU BITCH THAT'S WHY I TALKED A DEVIL INTO KILLING HIMSELF AND HIS CAT FOR U JESUS COME HERE LET ME HUG U AGAIN

and the the game DOES let you hug him, thank GOD

10/10 I'm gonna reload and replay that scene like 10 times now to get every dialogue variation

[morganski-19]

I Don't Know Which Way's Home

Chapter 17: Repair

ao3 link, Part 1, Part 16

March 1986

The news has been replaying the same story all day. It should be shocking, sort of is, but Julie’s kind of numb to it at this point. Each year, like clockwork, something big happens. Something this small town hasn’t faced in decades. A kid missing, turned up dead, just to be found alive again. A government laboratory had a gas leak that caused the death of many more people. The mall catches on fire causing a mass casualty. Now this.

She was awoken by sirens this morning. Ruined what was supposed to be a day where she slept till noon. It was spring break; she was allowed to be lazy. But instead, the spring break was wrapped up by police tape. The cause of a whole new type of stress.

Beloved student of Hawkins High School, Crissy Cunningham, found dead in the Munson’s trailer. Eddie Munson, the prime suspect, still at large. The body, found by Wayne Munson, a hard-working man of the community, is disfigured beyond belief. The police don’t have enough evidence to make a statement. But are advising the public to be aware and alert the police of any suspicious behavior.

Julie doesn’t know Eddie that well. They’ve only been neighbors, acquaintances. Sure, he drove her to school a few times. Made sure that she got there safely and was an ear when she needed to rant. But that didn’t make them friends. That didn’t make them close.

It didn’t take an idiot to see that Eddie wasn’t as big as scary as he was chalked up to see. Unfortunately, this town was full of idiots. Ready to point their fingers to the person the papers blame. Since they were already so influenced that metal music was from the devil and all dungeons and dragon’s players were Satan worshippers. It only took one headline for them to believe that. What’s stopping them from believing it now?

The evidence is damning. Wayne worked last night so it can’t be him. Multiple witnesses saw Chrissy leave with Eddie after the game last night. He is a known drug dealer, which most people would say is a step away from murder. His van was heard by the entire trailer park at both their entrance and his exit.

But there was one thing that Julie’s not sure anyone really heard. His screams.

Trailer parks are a hive for nosy neighbors fueled by the powers of thin walls. Lots of open air for noise to travel. It was nice outside last night, so Julie sat out on their little porch with a book. Peacefully reading.

Until Eddie pulled up with music blaring out the windows. Slamming on the breaks before he crashes straight into his own trailer. Right before the queen herself gets out of the car and walks right through his front door.

Julie says she’s better than gossip, but this she just had to know. Had to witness. Two people who never interact, going into an empty trailer. A recipe for disaster.

And disaster it was. Not long after, Julie can hear some yelling from the trailer. Something about waking up. Chrissy not being able to hear Eddie. It just increasing in volume until it devolves into a terrified scream. Then Eddie runs out of his trailer, gets into his van, and speeds away.

Julie doesn’t know a lot about how murderers act, but she can guess they don’t normally scream while killing their victims. That’s a pretty obvious sign that something’s wrong. But the police just brush her off when she tells them. The arrest has already written itself.

. . .

Present Day, April 1987

It’s been almost two full weeks since Steve and Julie moved into the new house, and Steve still feels off about it all. About taking the next step in the case. Passing the point of no return.

Steve doesn’t know what to do. It’s like he’s being backing into a corner. On the one hand, he could drop this and make himself a fool to his parents, to his friends, probably a good bit of the town. Or he can go through with it just to drag up his baggage all over again. Feel like shit all over again.

He doesn’t know what to do.

Then there’s all the other stuff. The looming piles of bills in his future, the fact that they still don’t have a couch. That Steve still doesn’t have a proper mattress. And the fridge is getting kind of empty, so he needs to go shopping soon.

These are new worries for him. Making a strict budget and making sure it’s enforced. Saying no to the kids when they want something, forcing Robin and Eddie to pay their share of the meals when they go out. Even though it was really always him ensuring he was alright paying the bill. Making small stacks of coupons and waiting deals to show up in the paper. It’s a lot.

Steve’s never been poor before. Not to say that he is now. Well, he kind of is. He has a good bit of debt because of this loan and lost a large chunk, most, of his savings to buying this house and the initial furniture. Paychecks are split between bills, food, Julie, savings, and then him. He’s the last on his list of priorities.

It’s all bringing up more issues, as if it already wasn’t enough. He’s always been the friend that picks up everyone’s tab. Pays for the check, the parties, the supplies, the fancy gifts. It’s all been from his money. His dad’s money. Which he doesn’t have anymore.

He knows it’s stupid to think that the friends he has now would care about that. Just because his old friends definitely would have. But these guys, they care more about the money. About the name. What Steve can give them.

Sometimes, it just doesn’t feel like it.

Steve’s always been a giver. It felt wrong to keep what he had just to himself. He never took, just gave. What would he be when there was nothing left to give?

Julie shuts the door just a hair away from a slam when she gets home. Giving her bedroom door a harsher treatment. It squeaks all the way shut. He’s been meaning to fix that, hasn’t gotten around to it yet.

She’s been like this ever since they moved. Her demeanor shifting almost immediately. At first, he chalked it up to the stress, having a new place that didn’t feel right. The change uncomfortably itching beneath the skin.

But after a week went by and it was the same thing every day, he knew something was up.

He walks over to her door, knocking lightly.

“What,” Julie yells through the door.

Steve’s taken aback. “How was school?” he asks calmly. 

She whips the door open. “Fine,” she huffs. “That all?”

“You ok?” he asks as if the question didn’t answer itself already.

“Yeah,” Julie rolls her eyes. “I’m fine.”

Steve crosses his arms. “You sure? Cause to me it seems like you’re upset about something. You know you can talk to me about this stuff.”

“Whatever.” Julie slams the door in his face.

It takes all Steve has to not rip the door open and give a whole lecture on how rude that was. To restrain himself from stepping into old shoes. To react differently than his father would have. Come back when the moment dies down and the anger stops bubbling. To be better. To be him.

Whatever he is at the moment.   

. . .

Julie tears another piece of paper out of her notebook. Crumpling it in her hands and throwing it across the room, watching it miss the trashcan. Landing next to the other balls of paper. Each one being more wrong than the last.

She should be doing homework. There’s an essay due for her English class in a few days and she hasn’t gotten around to writing it. Too busy with the move, then the adjusting. Now this. The same thoughts over and over again in her mind. All of them screaming that this can’t be happening right now.

Every time Julie thinks she can have any sort of break, another thing comes along just to punch her down again. Her mom died, then she moved, then she moved again, then she started getting better but that’s this whole other thing, then she gets kicked out, moves again. Now she has a crush on one of her best friends. What a great fucking life this is.

Julie tugs at the roots of her hair, pushing her fingers under the tightness of her braid. Hoping if she squeezes long enough, the unwanted thoughts will just leave. She’ll be able to think of a theme in the Catcher in the Rye that speaks to her enough to get five pages out of. Be able to write enough in her stupid notebook that makes sense. Get her grades back to where they were before and her life back together again.

Falling apart is a tune run dry and Julie’s tired of playing it. All she wants to do is go back to being normal. Like she was a year ago. Happy, kinda pissed at the world in different ways, but happy. Where there was something that didn’t quite make sense with the way she felt about girls, but it was easy to brush it all off. And her mom came home smelling like syrup and bacon grease instead of alcohol. Her knew sobriety chip kept proudly in the pocket of her apron. Constantly reminding her what the tips really needed to be spent on.

Life was good. It was normal. It was everything. Julie misses everything.

She misses the way the house always smelled a little stale and like mildew. The flowery candle her mom burned doing nothing to cover it up. She misses the way she would trip on the pile of shoes by the door. And how the singular hook on the wall would always drop her coat so much she started to throw it over a chair. How the kitchen would always be a little bit messy, and there would be dishes in the sink and pots on the stove. The couch that had it’s built in divot made by someone else with cushions that were squished beyond compare. Doors that fell off hinges every year or so and the sounds of the radio flowing through the walls.

All of it aches in her heart the more she moves on. The more she grows away from the place she called home. Having to keep retracing it all in her mind so she won’t forget it. Hold her mom’s sweatshirt close to her nose and pray to smell her cheap perfume again. But all that’s there is Julie. All there is left is Julie.

Julie is the only thing left of her mom other than the picture sitting on her desk. Which sucks for so many reasons she can’t find the words to explain. Mainly because looking in the mirror gets harder. Each time looking a little less like herself than the day before. Not quite knowing who she is anymore.

Reflections almost heighten to the imperfections on Julie’s face. The darkness underneath her eyes, the red dots forming on her chin and forehead. The fakeness of her smile, the way it can’t seem to reach her eyes quite right. Growing into a face that lost its childhood. Fighting to keep all she can of what’s left.

Growing up was always going to be hard. Slowly seeing herself morph away from childhood dreams and expectations. Having them crushed by the cruel realities of the world. Having memories trapped in confines of the mind that can’t seem to be open again. Becoming someone is hard in a normal life, let alone one with as many hurdles as Julie’s.

Julie can’t even begin to fathom what she would say to herself half a year ago, five years ago. How could she crush that little girl’s dreams right before her eyes. Witnessing the pain from the outside rather than the in. Tell her that there would be no princess wedding, or even one at all. That her mom wouldn’t even be there if she could. Gone far too soon. She left Julie far too soon.

Childhood isn’t missed until it’s stripped away. Until it can never return. For what its worst, Julie’s mom made sure she had it for as long as possible. Before the inevitable kicked in and took it away for her.

Now Julie’s filled with hate again. At herself. At Steve for trying. At him for not being who she wants on the other side of the door. A constant reminder that this good thing could only come once her mom was gone. Finally, a house, but without the mother to make it a home.

It’s not fair to blame him, she knows that. Can hear the upcoming words of her therapist as she relays this all to him in the next session. How she’s placing Steve in a box that he was never meant to fill. Just because the emptiness was too crushing to face in whole.

Giving up on the homework, Julie lies on her bed. The new mattress smell still seeping through the covers. She takes her Walkman and presses play on whatever’s in there. Noise blasting through her ears, loud enough to hopefully cover these thoughts. She grabs a pillow, wanting to squeeze something close to her chest. All of her childhood stuffed animals gone with the first move. Another piece of her that is forever lost.

The tears start to form, and Julie lets them fall.

. . .

The next day doesn’t seem to be any better. She insists on biking to school today. Doesn’t really make it a choice as she hoes straight from her room to the door. Without saying as much as a goodbye.

Steve doesn’t push. Thinks it would be best after the outburst yesterday.

The last time Julie acted like this was her mom’s birthday. Where she was hurting so bad that she decided to hit at the closest target. If that’s what she needs to do again, he’d be happy to take it all. Hold some of the hurt so she didn’t have too anymore. Distract him from his own hurt at the moment.

It’s so bad that she forgets her lunch on the counter. Even though it would probably have ended in the garbage. Like how last night’s dinner landed right into a container to be revisited later. Still sitting in the fridge when Steve went to make breakfast this morning.

He’s not quite sure the last time she’s eaten more than half her plate. Too busy with his own stuff to notice her dip back in her progress. Kicking himself that he didn’t see it all sooner. That it took for her slamming a door in his face to understand how bad it had really gotten. Not like he could have stopped it. But it might have helped.

“That conversation you had with Julie while me and Eddie were out getting the pizza,” Steve says while explaining the situation to Robin. “Was that about her mom? About the move?”

Robin takes a second to think. Physically stopping and starting her movements a few times before speaking. “No, it was about something else.”

Something else. Steve didn’t know about a something else. “Was it because of me?”

“No, no. It was just something really private that she wanted to talk to me about. I would tell you but it’s really not my place to.”

Steve ignores the alarm bell ringing in his head. She’ll tell him about it, whatever it is, when she’s ready. “But you would if you thought it had anything to do with the way she’s acting.”

Robin shrugs. “It depends. If I thought, it would help. But honestly,” she takes a deep breath. “I think telling you about it might make it a million times worse.”

“Make what a million times worse?” Eddie asks after walking in. Sliding into his designated spot at Steve’s side and placing a kiss to the side of his head.

Robin rolls her eyes. “You guys can’t be this happy while Nancy’s away at school.”

“Oh boohoo.” Eddie sticks out his tongue.

“I thought you had work today?” Steve asks Eddie.

He shrugs. “I’m sick.”

“You’re going to be jobless if you keep calling out for no damn reason,” Robin chastises.

“Well clearly, I was needed elsewhere because there is a situation that needs dealing with. Make what worse? By a million times?”

Robin rolls her eyes again, gesturing Steve to fill Eddie in on the situation.

“Julie’s hitting a low point again, she slammed a door in my face yesterday.”

“Do you think it’s about her mom?” Eddie gets a soda out of the fridge and sits on the countertop.

It could be. One of the first things Julie said when she saw the house was how it reminded her or her mom. How a place like this was all her mom ever wanted for the two of them. That had to drag up some feelings. Especially since they were now living here.

Steve shrugs. “It could be. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was.”

But there was something else. Either the thing she talked about with Robin or him pushing yesterday. Something going on in school. Anything.

There were so many places to mess up. For Steve to fuck up something that didn’t just involve him. He’s bad at dealing with things. Pretending his problems don’t exist so he doesn’t have to think about them. Or lashing out just to feel more powerful than them.

Steve just didn’t want Julie to feel like she had to keep it in. That she had to keep the war in her mind because no one cared enough to listen. Or that she would burden him just for talking to him about it. He wanted her to be better than himself. Maybe that was too high of an expectation to have.

“Just talk to her about it,” Robin says softly. “She’s always come around to telling you how she feels. She just needed to blow off a little steam, that’s all.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Maybe was a lot of things right now. None of them made Steve feel any better.

“Hey,” Eddie kicks Steve gently. “What’s really going on? Other than the Julie thing?”

“It’d be easier to say what isn’t going on than what is?” Steve pulls out one of the metal folding chairs from their makeshift kitchen/dining table and sits down. It squeaks under his weight, proving his point for him. “Maybe I bit off more than I can chew.”

Robin pulls out the chair next to him. “You did what you had to. It just happened to be very overwhelming.”

“I’m not talking about that. Well, I am but not really. It’s just,” Steve takes a deep breath. “This case. If I’m still going through with it. It’s just adding more to the pile and I’m now realizing I didn’t really think it through as much as I should’ve.”

“What do you mean,” Eddie interrupts. “You seemed liked you thought it over a lot, actually. Had evidence all laid out, contacted people, got witness statements. People to testify. Had multiple people who know their shit tell you that this was a good case. You checked off all the boxes.”

“Yeah, sure. But I don’t think I’d realized at the time that I might be going to court twice in a short amount of time.”

Steve asked Sarah a few weeks ago what it would take to make him the permanent guardian for Julie. Maybe even adopting her. If that’s what she wanted, he hasn’t brought that specifically up yet. Sarah mentioned something about permanent guardianship, since Julie’s only a year away from becoming an adult.

But no matter what, it probably leads to presenting his case before a judge. Having them make the final decision. With all the things that have happened in the past few weeks, and Sarah pulling some strings she shouldn’t have, the risk of relocation raised a bit. Making this permanent would get rid of the risk. Neither of them would have to worry about this anymore.

“Wait, twice,” Robin questions.

“Yeah, once for this case against my parents, twice to get permanent custody of Julie.”

“Is that something you guys have talked about?”

Steve shrugs. “A bit. She definitely wants to stay with me long term, and I said I’d start asking about the options. I just haven’t talked to her about which one she would prefer, since she’s got less than a year before she turns eighteen. Most of them involve at least going in front of a judge to prove that I have the means to care for her until she’s an adult.”

“And if this case falls through, it might look bad on you,” Eddie connects the dots.

“Exactly. And I’ll have to pay all the legal fees out of my own pocket where I would have gotten that back from the money I won.”

Then there was the reason for doing this all in the first place, getting them to understand what they did to him. How he was affected because of their neglect. Would they even listen? Would this change anything? Would this all just become another story to tell their friends?

They would go around telling their friends how much of a disappointment he is. How he is ungrateful of everything they’ve done for him. How he wouldn’t even be here without them. As if that makes up for the fact that they were never around.

Creating someone doesn’t immediately garner respect. It still has to be earned. Each time he was left, his respect, his love for his parents shrunk. Now all that is left is a sliver so small, yet it still feels like a mountain. Still crushing him.

He doesn’t want to be crushed by it anymore.

Steve gets up, goes to his room and pulls out all of the evidence he’s built. The entire case against his parents laid in a binder. Copies of bank and credit card statements. Highlighted lines of hotel stays and flights books. Lined up with dates that Steve could recall they missed. Birthdays and holidays lost. Memories begged to be made. Years gone.

Statements of the many nannies that he had. Each confirming their own payments, the lengths of their stays. Empty cards filled with not even the signature of their names. Cursive congratulations and happy birthdays printed instead. Hospital records that show his own signature on the discharge form. Mrs. Henderson’s name on the contact form since his parents couldn’t care to show up.

It was enough, it had to be.

He brings it out to the kitchen, laying it all out on the table. Asking Robin and Eddie to go through it. Tell him if they think it would be enough.

Witnesses, one of them asks. Steve could think of a few. One of the nannies had offered when he asked. She would still do it. Hopper said he would not only be a character witness, but also get the records for that one house party he broke up where Steve was caught underage drinking. How he had to drive him home, his parents nowhere to be seen. Nancy probably would too. She could tell the courts how she knew his parents were never home, even if he was seventeen.

It is enough.

Eddie grabs Steve’s hand. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

Robin grabs his other hand. “If this would be too much, no one would blame you for walking away.”

Here in this small kitchen with old cabinets with squeaky hinges and tile that he absolutely hates. In a house that he bought on his own, for the family that he made, it’s finally starting to feel like a home.

The walls were never what made it empty. The unopened rooms and unused furniture. It was the energy that never flowed through the doors that made it devoid of all life. Sucking what it could from the person in it to make up for the loss. Now, as people come and go, as Steve and Julie live here, the house feels full.

With these people by his side that showed up by surprise. Chose him for whatever reason that he might never understand. But circumstances led them to each other, and they don’t leave. Even when he tried. Gave them the opportunity to. Yet, they stayed. Every. Single. Time. They helped him learn what home should feel like.

Steve is enough. He always was.

“I want to do this,” Steve says without a doubt in his voice. “Even if they still won’t believe it, or be pissed at me for the rest of their life. I want to show up to the court with rows of people behind me, while their side is empty. Show them the real thing they lost was me.”

. . .

When Julie gets home, she goes right to her room. Ignoring the happy mood Steve is in. Ignores the fact that she saw Eddie’s van drive down the street as she was biking home from school. Ignores the slight rumbles in her stomach and the ache in her legs. Lets her body fall limp onto her bed after her bag slips off her shoulder. Filled with work that won’t get done. Marked with a big red “F” when she turns them in blank.

Just adding on to how Julie is already feeling.

What would her mom say to her? Her daughter’s grade dipping. Another new home. Not eating. Slamming doors in the face of the one person who was beside her during all of this.

Liking girls.

She would pull some of her mom wisdom out of her ass for some of it. Not really helping or making much sense, but it worked out in the end. Julie always ended up figuring out something. Got better after some time and picked herself up again. Kept moving.

Time just keeps moving. It’s endless and doesn’t stop. Forcing all to move along with it. Whether they want to or not. Even when life gets in the way and forces them to stop. To become stuck. Julie feels stuck again. Did for a long time. It was easy to become stuck when there was security blanketed around her.

Julie doesn’t really feel like time moved as fast as it did. How it was six months, almost seven since her mom died. And Julie still feels like it was yesterday sometimes. Especially right now. Transported back to the day the police officers knocked on her door. Took her away. When she was frozen, but kept moving. Had to keep moving.

She doesn’t have to keep moving anymore. There’s no goal anymore. No checkmark in her progress or hurdle she has to jump over. Just a pile of tasks that are too overwhelming to acknowledge or unpack. So she lets them pile up. They aren’t important right now.

Julie winces when she tugs off a scab on her thumb. Starting the bleeding all over again. With a deep breath, she forces herself off the bed and to the bathroom. Digging for the first aid kit under the sink for another band aid. Ignoring her reflection in the mirror. The greasy strands of hair pulled back into a French braid. The dark circles around her eyes. That person isn’t her anymore.

Julie isn’t Julie right now. She’s something else. Unrecognizable. To herself. To her mom. To anyone.

“Hey, Julie,” Steve says before she can escape back to her room.

She takes another deep breath, ready to push him away again. Not ready for a talk. “What?” she asks, too tired to even sound pissed.

Steve holds out the phone. “Phone for you.”

Julie presses her lips together, taking the phone and holding it closer to her ear. Curling around herself. “Hello.”

“Julie, it is me, El.”

Great. “Hey, El. What’s up?” Julie tries to feign excitement. Terrified at the brief flutter of her heart that spawned by the sound of El’s voice.

“I realized I never got around to asking you this at lunch, but are you free next Friday?”

“Uh, I think so. I’ll have to double check.” No, she won’t. She doesn’t have anything going on, just wants to seem like she does.

“Would you like to come over for a sleepover? I know we just kind of had one, but I want a better one. And then Max can be there too.”

Julie doesn’t want a sleepover. Well, she does, but not one with Max. Because it would be Max and El on the bed. Because why would they make the girl in the wheelchair with chronic pain sleep on the air mattress on the floor. That’s rude and stupid. And it’s El’s room, so she would also be in the bed.

Meaning that Julie would be alone on the floor while her two friends share a bed. Which normally wouldn’t be a problem. Normally she wouldn’t care. But now she does. Because she knows what it’s like to sleep in the same bed as El and the midnight talks that are kind of really serious but also really nice. The nervousness that creeps under her skin every time El’s eyes meet hers. The pounding of her heart as she tries to get a singular word out.

But she can’t say no. Can’t see the disappointment in El’s face or hear it in her voice. Would rather be there, suffering in silence, than miss out on time with her friends. Which she would enjoy for a majority of it, and could kind of need right now.

“Sure,” Julie says. “If I’m free and everything.”

She wishes she sounded more excited, but she can’t.

“Yay. Let me know as soon as possible if you are free. I will see you at school tomorrow.”

Julie’s slight smile drops. “Yeah, tomorrow. Talk to you later.”

The phone clicks onto the receiver as tears start to spring to Julie’s eyes. For reasons she doesn’t really know why but feels deep inside her chest. A pain she’s never felt. Crushing. Terrifying. A tear rolls down her cheek as she runs to her room, wiping it away quickly so Steve doesn’t see.

But he sees.

“Hey, are you ok?” he asks as Julie crosses into her bedroom.

“Just leave me alone,” she yells with a sob, slamming her door. Right in his worried face.

She can’t even make it to her bed before she falls. Slamming her back into the door and pulling her knees close to her chest. Wet patches forming on her knees. Breathing in stutter breaths just to let them out as broken sobs. Trying to pull herself together. Trying to keep it quiet. Knowing Steve is right behind the door, wondering what he can do.

What Julie’s feeling can’t be fixed. No matter what she tries. No matter how hard she tries. She can’t be normal anymore.

A slip of paper gets slid under the door next to her. After the sobs start to slow and Julie can see things again. She picks it up, unfolding it.

When you’re ready to talk about it, I’m here.

All it does is start Julie’s sobs again. How could she have been so lucky to have someone so understanding waiting for her outside the door? When her life went to shit. When things just keep going to shit. He’s still there. Even when she slams doors in his face and uprooted his entire life.

Without even blinking, he’s still there.

“Steve,” she says to her empty room when the tears slow. Hoping he can hear.

“Yeah,” the answer comes from the other side of the door.

Julie lets out a wet laugh. “When you said you were waiting, I didn’t think it’d be right outside the door.”

“Well, technically, it’s right next to your door. Only since I slid the note, though. I gave you space for a bit.”

Her knees fall to the ground, hands falling in her lap. Resuming the picking of her unbandaged thumb. “I appreciate that.”

A beat of silence. “You’re talking to me again. Does that mean you want to talk about it?”

“Maybe, I’m not sure.” She takes a shaky breath. “I’m not sure how to talk about it.”

“That’s ok. Do you want to wait to talk about it, see if you can find the words later?”

Her head gently bangs against the door. Mind racing to find the words. To say something so he can find the solution for her and the pain can go away. But it all leads to a question so unfathomable that she can’t even bear to ask it. Gets mad at herself for even thinking about it.

She does though. Over and over again. Her mind finding answers she doesn’t like. Doesn’t want to believe were a possibility. Truth is, she will never have an answer to that question. No matter how hard she searches for one. The one person who can give it isn’t here anymore. Leaving an uncertainty that would weigh over her head forever.

“I’m sorry,” Julie says instead. Apologizing for the things she can instead of searching for what she can’t. “For slamming the door in your face.”

“You can slam the door in my face as many times as you need to. Just as long as you agree to talk to me about it, when you’re ready to. I may not always follow my own rules, but it’s better to talk about things before they start to build up.”

Julie wipes away the stray tear rolling down her cheek. Moving to pick at the strands of her jeans so she doesn’t need another band aid. “I think this has been building up for a while now. I just didn’t know it was there.”

There’s silence across the door for a minute or two.

“You know what I kind of really want right now, chocolate chip cookies,” Steve says suddenly.

It’s so random that is makes Julie laugh. “What?”

“Yeah, you know, freshly made, warm chocolate chip cookies. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Julie smiles. “That actually does sound kind of nice.”

“Great. I’m going to go make some, you can join me if you want.”

She does kind of want to. After taking a deep breath, Julie picks herself off the floor. Wincing at the soreness of her legs from sitting on rough carpet for so long. Opens the door and heads to the kitchen. Steve is pulling out one of the many cookbooks he stole from his parents and turning to a recipe. Starting to grab the different ingredients.

He smiles when Julie searches their cabinets, searching for the mixing bowl they also stole from his parents. Probably thinking he’s had some sort of victory over this. Maybe he has. She’s out of the room, and probably about to eat something. It’s a small victory for the both of them.

The oven takes an eternity to preheat. Leaving the rolled-out cookies on the stovetop. Some of them mysteriously gone missing. Well, not mysteriously, she had a few more than she should. But so did Steve, so it was fine.

When the cookies are finally baked, Steve waits a few minutes before placing some on a plate and bringing them over to the blanket pile that is still acting as a couch. But instead, some of the chairs hold up the blankets, making a small fort.

It reminds her of the ones her mom and her made during thunderstorms. When the trailer would shake with each boom, but not the fort. With soft pillows and flashlight shadow puppet stories. Falling asleep when the thunder was far enough away that it became calming. Paired with the patter of rain on the roof. They were always safe in the fort.

Julie was safe in the fort.

She breaks the cookie in her hand, the warm chocolate smearing across her fingertips. Melting in her mouth as soon as they hit. Giving her the energy to say what she needs to say. What she wants to say.

“You know it was El that called, right.” Julie breaks the cookie again. “Well, of course you know. You’re the one who gave me the phone.”

Steve sits straighter, giving Julie his full attention. “Yeah, I know.”

“She was asking if I was free next Friday, for a sleepover.” Her heart starts racing as the words still stay unsaid. Trapped in her throat, even though she knows he wouldn’t care about them.

“That sounds fun. Did you want to go?”

Julie continues to stare at her hands, unable to look up. “Yeah, I do. It’s just. It’s harder now. Because I think, no, I know that I.” She takes a deep breath. She can do this. “I have a crush. On El.”

Steve takes a second to respond. Keeping the moment tense. Julie can only hear the sound of her own heart beating.

“That would make it harder,” he finally says.

“Yeah,” Julie chokes as the tears start to form again. “Yeah, it really does.”

Steve moves the plate of cookies out from in between them before scooting closer. Reaching out to place a hand on Julie’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s ok.”

“No, it’s not,” Julie stops him before he can try to comfort her. “I hate that I’m like this. It’s terrifying. I don’t want like this to be but I am. And I’m going to screw everything up.”

She pulls her legs up to her chest again, the tears retracing their tracks down her cheeks. Even when she thought the wells had dried, it keeps flowing.

“I know exactly how you feel,” Steve exhales. “I felt the same way when I figured out I liked guys. So much so, that I pushed it down and forgot it for years. Kept pretending that this part of me wasn’t a part of me. Hated myself for it. Pushed that hatred outward toward people who didn’t deserve it. Just because I was so angry with myself that I couldn’t be normal.”

Julie clenches her eyes shut, trying to force the tears to stop flowing. Wanting this hurt to stop.

“There were a lot of factors that made me want to hide who I was, I think. My parents, mostly. My reputation. I was the kid that threw parties and had all the nicknames. Hawkins High School’s poster boy. A Harrington. Any wrong move and I was done for. I didn’t need that wrong move to be dangerous.”

She pulls herself more inward. Wondering if she becomes small enough, the problems will just go away. No longer hunting the prey hiding in the bushes.

“It took a lot for me to realize that I wasn’t-. That I wasn’t broken.” Steve takes a deep breath, clears his throat. “That this part of me was normal. Is normal. Just doesn’t always feel like it in a small town. It took meeting other people like me to realize that this was something I could be and still be happy. And believe me, there’s so much happiness waiting for you.”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” Julie mutters into her knees. “It feels like everything keeps breaking apart over and over again.”

“Yeah, yeah it does.”

Julie lifts her head up, finally turning to look at Steve. “I just don’t want to mess up one of the first friendships I’ve had in years because I can’t stop acting weird around her. I can hate myself all I want, I can’t make her hate me too.”

Steve takes a deep breath, turning himself so he’s facing Julie completely. “And you won’t. El is one of the most loving and forgiving people I have ever met. Well, when she cares about someone. She can be pretty brutal to the people who she doesn’t like, but that’s not the point. El cares about you, she won’t judge you for this.”

“I can get not judging me for the liking girls bit. But liking her?” Julie doesn’t know how that could ever work out in her favor.

“Ok, so this next part doesn’t directly apply to your problem. And I’m not sure if any of this is even helping, but it just feels like it needs to be said and I know he won’t care if I share this for him.” He takes another breath. “But Eddie and I were kind of going through this same problem with each other. Only difference is I knew he was gay, and he didn’t know I was.”

“And the only difference between that situation and this one is that yours was a success story,” Julie says before he can continue. Shocking him. “You two aren’t as good as hiding it as you think you are. I picked it up a while ago.”

Steve snorts. “Yeah, kinda figured. I’m more just trying to say that this thing you’re going through isn’t unique. Hell, half of the people in our group have had that feeling some way or another. And we’re still friends. You’re going to be just fine, trust me.”

Just fine doesn’t exactly sound like anything she wants to be. She’s been just fine for months. It’s kind of shitty. Not feeling like anything important, knowing she should be feeling more but can’t. Moving without really moving through life. Just going from one day to the next, them all blending together. Right up until fine becomes a lie again.

Until something unearths itself in the mind and can no longer be ignored. Brings all of its own problems and piles on top of all the others. Dragging up old baggage with it, only adding to the problem.

Leaving Julie with one more question she’s too afraid to ask.

So much in her life has changed. So much is different now. She’s a new person, one her mom wouldn’t recognize. Overwhelmed by grief. Brought into this large group of people, a giant family. Surrounded by people who are like her. Who show her that this is a life she could have. If she just put enough trust in herself.

If she put enough trust in her mom. And stopped wondering if she would still love Julie the same knowing that she will never marry a man. An answer Julie will never actually get.

Steve reaches out and pulls Julie into a hug. Comforts her the way a brother can, but it doesn’t bring the same comfort that Julie craves.

It’s things like this that makes Julie’s heart ache the most. How she will go through these big life events and never hear the same words of comfort again. Never have her mother’s weight sit on the foot of her bed, telling her it will all be ok. That no matter what, she will always love Julie. Never will stop as long as she lives. And even then, the love will transcend death and continue for infinity.

Nothing can stop infinity. Julie hopes that means nothing will stop her mother’s love either. Even this.

“Sorry for taking your coming out moment away from you,” Julie says after she calmed down. “I know you were waiting to tell me about it.”

Steve shrugs it off. “That’s ok. I was really dragging my feet with telling you, I’ve been ready for a while now, just didn’t know how to bring it up.”

“For what it’s worth, it kind of helped. Made me feel a little better knowing that I’m not alone in this.”

“You’re not alone in anything, Julie. No matter what, there will be people behind you. Whether that’s me, your friends, anyone else lucky enough to meet you.”

She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, whatever. Thanks, though.”

“It’s what I’m here for.”

. . .

The notice from the courthouse comes a week later. Alerting Steve that it’s time to approve the court date. One’s been selected for him, but can be pushed back if he needs it to. But it’s there. It’s real. This is actually happening.

He goes over the evidence again, confirms with Hopper that he can actually witness. Get the files all ready on his end. Then contacts his old nanny and gets talked into coming over for brunch. To catch up and see how he’s doing. Make sure she is what he needs for this case. Which she is. She was the longest one he ever had and was extremely meticulous. Most likely still has her pay stubs after all these years.

The last person he has to call is Nancy. Who doesn’t even know that he’s moved yet. Or that his parents are home.

It’s been a while since he’s called her, obviously, and he’s been avoiding it. Not wanting an earful of her again. But he needs to know when she’s back and if she’ll testify for him. She he dials her number.

“Nancy speaking.”

“Hey, Nance, it’s Steve. I have some things to catch you up on.”

She sighs. “Oh, I know. Robin refused to tell me anything about whatever’s going on. I think it was to force you to call me.”

“Yeah probably.”

After a long conversation and a lecture from Nancy on the importance of phone calls, she agrees to testify on his behalf. As both a character witness and also to back up some of the evidence he has.

Everything’s starting to get put together. Now all there is to do is wait.

Tag list(let me know if you want to be added or removed): @homoerotictangerine, @mugloversonly, @thesuninyaface, @imyelenasexual, @anaibis,

@ilovecupcakesandtea, @brainsteddielyrotted, @jackiemonroe5512, @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple, @goodolefashionedloverboi,

@cinnamon-mushroomabomination, @lolawonsstuff, @writingandmushroomdragons, @stevesbipanic, @sierra-violet,

@steddie-as-they-go, @dauntlessdiva, @mousedetective, @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner, @zombiethingy,

@connected-dots-st-reblogger, @that-agender-from-pluto, @allyricas, @cheddartreets, @devondespresso,

@crypticcorvidinacottage, @queenie-ofthe-void @chronicpainstevetruther, @melonmochi

[misc-obeyme]

-🐆 You know I think that's exactly why it's taking them so long to release the new season, because they have to much plot holes to cover. Is it the whole Lilith thing again? Eh, let's not get into that subject. What made sense to me, probably just my mind filling in the blanks, is that MC eventually, gradually regained some memories, a bit at a time, while the brothers remained sort of like a constant memory that is a core one (I hope I am making sense). It could be also that Solomon used some magic to help MC stabilize memory wise. Or just shown pictures on his DDD. A lot of plot things in this game (especially implied sex scenes, for obvious reasons) are left blank. Usually they aren't that important but in this case they are! So hopefully they do explain deeper in the new season. Also the term "time soup" sort of made sense to me, since I stand by the theory that time cannot be linear as we think it is. So if mc, from their present, went back to the past, mc brought all the memories and experiences with them. Meaning, the past is "changed" but not really. Just like it was changed in season 1 in og where mc was killed, but not really. So the time soup thing started wayyyyy back in the lore. Because if, they went back to the past, in a linear timeline, I think it would have left much less effect on the brothers and on the way everything unfolded. For example, the whole Cocytus journey. Mc presumably had an affect on the brothers even back in the celestial realm (I was just re-reading season 3 of og where mc ate Solomon's sandwich and was sent back in time) so Lucifer would have been locked up in Cocytus either way, but what did release him from the shackles? Did the brothers go after him even without mc? Did he still had his outburst against Diavolo? Was it that it is a time soup and mc was destined, in the this world logic, to hurtle back in time to this specific point and help the brothers, who know them but not really, who have a pact with them but not really? Also, in hard lessons, what the hell did Solomon made the brothers do to repay him for breaking them free from the curse that changed their personalities? Did he make them take a pact with him??? If that's true, I am mortified, really. See, I can ramble for more, but I don't feel bad about it lol, though you of course don't have to either! I don't only request your rambles, now I demand them, it matches my own!

I'll just go and watch dr who, my head is hazy, at least that show makes more sense with time travel If you watch it too, did you see the episode with Jinxx?? It was SO good.

I mean, they sure do have a lot of plot to resolve in the upcoming season! I don't know how far in advance they plan the story, but it feels very disjointed most of the time lol.

MC's memory issues never really registered for me, tbh. I always interpreted it as an MC who still has all those memories from OG? I was under the impression that they changed some of the story in the first lesson of NB, but I never went back and replayed it. So I told NB at the beginning that I knew the brothers and I guess that left out the part about MC having lost their memory? Or perhaps I just forgot about it???

I just always played it as MC remembered everything from the start, so I haven't really considered that part of the story too much. But I think the idea that MC's memories slowly come back makes sense. Or that Solomon filled them in, since there's plenty of time where they're living together for him to do that. It seems odd that they wouldn't at least mention either of these things, though, even if they didn't show it happening.

I don't have a problem with the "time soup" theory in a more general sense. I've read about theories where time is not linear in our actual reality. I just don't like it as a storytelling mechanic. Lesson 16 really confused me. I didn't realize what had happened until I read it again and until I had seen other people's thoughts on it. MC went back in time, but then one MC just disappears? It made no sense to me.

The issue I have with the time travel stuff is that it's a mess to figure out. I think it's good that people can kind of work it out in a way that makes sense to them, but nobody's idea of the time travel shenanigans in this game are the same. Everybody's interpretation has been different from what I've seen. They never established any rules for their time travel, so it's just confusing.

Hmm. Okay, so here's how I think about it. In this case, the time travel is part of magic. And when you have magic in a story, you have to make up the rules for it yourself. My experience has been that if you're going to use magic as a plot device, you have to set out specific rules for how it works. Otherwise, just about anything could happen. That's the part I don't like. The rules aren't clearly defined, they're just soup and that means nothing to me.

They could say time is not linear. They could say that in the original version of the past, MC wasn't there and that means anything could have happened. Maybe the events were similar to what they were when MC was there. But they could have been completely different. Maybe Lucifer didn't even end up in Cocytus at all. It's impossible to say what happened in the original version of that timeline.

Then MC goes to the past and changes things. No matter how careful MC is, their presence alters the past irrevocably. And Solomon is there, too, so potentially altering things even more.

Okay, I could accept all that. But having everybody in the past feel that there's something special about MC's guest room? Having glimpses and memories of a future they couldn't possibly have any knowledge of? This is the part that makes no sense. Does this mean that those characters all had those same memories in the original version of the past, the one where MC didn't show up? If time is a soup, does that mean that all these characters are experiencing all those timelines simultaneously and can have memories of all of them all the time whether MC is present or not?

If that's the case, how come the characters didn't have any memories of MC in OG? Season three hinted that MC may have impacted them in the Celestial Realm, but those memories never manifested before that incident. If time is a soup, shouldn't they have had those memories of MC from the very start?

My issue is that they just threw this in there because they're trying to explain away what they've already done. It doesn't feel like they went into this story with any of these intentions (and like to be fair they probably didn't).

I just feel like they could have explained the time travel in a way that meshed better with the story we already had.

And you know while I don't think Solomon made them make pacts with him, I can see him suggesting it! I suspect they'd have been like um no not on your life buddy lol. I love him so much.

OH BOY well, anyway, you demanded rambles, so here it is lol!!! This is just me getting WAY too into these details. I don't usually do this because in the end, it doesn't really matter! I'm willing to overlook this stuff because I love the characters so much. And I also very much believe that everyone should interpret the story in the way that makes the most sense for them! This is just my personal opinion, I think everybody's opinion and interpretation is valid!

I've definitely seen stories that handle time travel much better. I never did get into Dr Who, but I have heard good things!

[my-elder-scrolls-shit]

I've been replaying skyrim and- "Uh oh, Aph! Are you getting philosophical about a mid game that you've played 80 billion times now?" Yes, of course I am. Now, my take of the day is Astrid gets a bad rap in the fandom

If you have personal qualms for whatever reason with her (Cicero fan, upset she got everyone killed, her voice, whatever it may be), that's totally fine! However! I just finished the dbh quest line again, and she's honestly not as terrible as we've been painting her, I feel.

When you first join, she's pretty attentive - clearly keeping an eye on you because you're new, but as you prove yourself and she can worry less, she seems to almost losen up. I do think she asks you to do things that she wouldn't ask anyone else because she's testing you or because you're new and she's not as attached yet, but its clear she has some kind if concern for you and your safety. Especially when the Nightmother incident happens, and she thinks Cicero might have attempted to hurt you. Then shit hits the fan (in her eyes)

Now, here's something that might sound strange - I don't think she decides to sell you out until the last possible minute. Why would she ask you to find her husband otherwise? Why would she keep sending you out to further the plot against the emperor and keep rewarding you? These are shows of trust- and while maybe some could be seen as implicating you further as the sole thorn in the side of the emperor, again, why send you to kill Cicero- to help Abjorn? Someone she loves and cares for deeply? Why not send someone more experienced?

I think maybe her paranoia ramps up after the Cicero incident for sure- she gets more flighty and decides right around when you are going to kill the emperor, when things are seriously about to change, does she panic. I mean, imagine you've led a group for years and some stranger you brought into your family like last week, and a jester who brought a sacred corpse with him is claiming the stranger is supposed to be the faction leader and the only one who can hear the dead lady's voice! That's a shit deal! What the fuck!

If something goes wrong, everything will go wrong. She's probably not had a lot of control in her life previously (note: her story about her uncle making "unwanted advances" makes me think maybe it's something that had been happening and she finally decided to kill him after snapping but she definitely glosses over it very quickly in favor of being murder happy which is understandable) and now that control is once again slipping and everyone else can see she's paranoid (multiple members comment on it if you talk to them before hopping in the Nightmothers coffin the first time) so it's not a big surprise that you, the threat to her status quo and control, seem like the one to take out

And it all goes to shit! And she seems so desperately and genuinely sorry on her death bed - everyone she loved and cared for is dead, mind you. This is a woman who has lost everything and is now begging to die for a greater good and a desperate apology to you and to the people she's hurt. The game clearly doesn't want you to forgive her (based on the dialog options it presents), but i wish we could at least say something kind. But I that might just be me

[anonzentimes]

LONG ASS ASK INKOMING ZEN so its super cold in brazil today so typing is a little hard and there might be weird typos fkshdkjd but

when i was like 14 i had online friends that were also 14 and were into danganronpa but all they talked abt was the flaws of the series and how much they hated the more problematic aspects of it, it was a constant wave of gender discourse and sexuality discourse and nagito is a bad portrayal of mental illnesses and miu iruma is too sexual and this character is bad cause of xyz and that character is bad because of this and that and honestly whatever the fuck else you can argue about this series about, whenever i mentioned that danganronpa seemed fun and id like to get into it my friends would tell me that its not worth it, that the series is fucking horrid that i should run the other way and be glad i never entered the hellhole that is being a danganronpa fan

so thanks to this and like constant fucking weird shit coming out of the hell hole that is the fucking dr fandom on Twitter for like, four whole years I straight up didn't touch the series. a series that I was so fully aware that I would love btw, because i was always into gorey art and i found the art of dr so pretty and the characters had such intresting designs and the pink blood was so cool and i love the killing game genre and the mystery solving aspect, of danganronpa seemed so cool, i did not go near this series with a fucking 10-ft Pole

until literally maybe some months ago at 18 years old a streamer I like said on stream something like "oh yeah danganronpa is fucking awesome im so glad i played it" and I was like fuck it, this guy has high standards, if he likes it it cant be that bad. and so I downloaded trigger happy havoc and i was so pleasantly surprised by it, sure case 2 is a case that exists but like other than that i immediately fell in love with this franchise, i loved almost everything about the game, then i started sdr2 and nagito took over every single part of my brain within 0.2 seconds of gameplay AND DR2 IS SO PEAK JUST IN GENERAL udg was super fucking fun i love touko and komarus relationship and the warriors of hope so much, dr3 was awsome even if i didnt really care for future arc despair hope and 2.5 were awasome the end of drv3 hit me like a truck and it genuenly took me a couple hours to understand that my beloved class 77b wasnt just retconned out of existence and currently im trying to kill executive dysfunction and procrastination and read dr0 and again want to replay dr2 cause my hyperfixated ass would rather play the game when she should be alseep to know what happens next than play it when she isn't too tired to understand whats happening lmao

and after i was done with the series i sat down and thought about how i let 14 year olds on the internet who im not even friends with anymore keep me away from something that now i hold so dear and close to my heart, and i wonder how many people who would love danganronpa will never give the series a chance because not only does the wider interner find it cringe but the fandom constantly tell potential new fans to stay away and act like its the worst midea ever written, the way some people are unable to enjoy what they love without guilt is so sad because not only does it affect them but also others

and this is super personal but i wonder how danganronpa would have impacted me if i got into it back when i found out about it at 14, how much different having danganronpa to hang on to would have made my life when i was burning out at school because i was trying to survive neurodivergency hell with undiagnosed autism and possible adhd

dangabronpa is awsome i love it so so much

YOU JUST MADE ME FEEL SO UNBELIEVABLY YOUNG OH MY GOD. I HEARD ABOUT DANGANRONPA WHEN I WAS 11 I'M PRETTY SURE AHHHH HAHA!!! Overall I think this raises a good lesson that we should trust our guts and from our own opinions on media. Look into things you're curious about, learn if it's worth it yourself, and come to your own conclusions! I feel bad for those who never get to understand Nagito Komaeda, let alone know he exists. This franchise has some negatives but the positives outweigh the issues entirely to me and I wish people gave it more of a chance. dangabronpa is awsome INDEED lmfao.

[bunnysuitconman]

How do you feel about Glitchtrap being the mimic, To me and what I seen from posts I really don’t like it at all. Glitchtrap in help wanted was not even it character it seems and it was just mimic dressing up in a Glitchtrap suit as the mimic loves to wear suits. This means Glitchtrap never was a character it was all the mimic, you don’t got to replay to this as this is a spoiler but I needed someone who knows about the mimic that I can vent out some of my anger, I just hope Glitchtrap is in help wanted 2 or maybe it just mimic wearing a new suit.

RUIN SPOILERS

uh, straight up he ain't to me

again fnaf's storytelling can be bad, horrific even. But unless it's made way more explicit or developed more, i'm having a hard time beliving glitchtrap and the mimic are the same being because they're so dissimilar.

i've complained about this so much already AND I WILL CONTINUE just under a cut

if the mimic is spesifically trying to mimic william afton via showing us the child murders and stuffing us in the animatronic suits at the pizza party ending, why is he in a random cloth mascot suit and not in sprinbonnie, the suit he did all of his murdering in, help wanted is a VR game in universe, and glitchtrap is explicitly a digital entity, it wouldn't be very mimic like of the mimic to intentionally deviate in a massive way from the person they're mimicing. Steel wool used to have springbonnie in place of Glitchtraps model, Glitchtrap was a very intentional choice.

Also, again the whole "it's the mimic because glitchtrap is repeating vanessa" only he has like two whole lines and in help wanted is very much implied to be not all there, saying basic things such as "hello?" and "can you hear me?" isn't really enough, especially since the mimic as i know it is only able to borrow other peoples voices and glitchtraps is wholey unique, and he's implied to have extended conversations with vanessa to get her working with him when what we've been exposed to of the mimic is while more complex than i thought of before is very single minded about goals. if glitchtrap is the mimic and they want out so badly why are they focused on torture, subjicating people into compliance , i know it's scrapped but why would they care about fucking with vanessa so much they make her unknowingly order roses under a fake boyfriends name called brad and sign it off with a death threat. Thats not to mention, since when does the mimic, the thing that mimics people have powers to enter human peoples minds, possibly lock their minds away, or be able to fully possess people? thats some supernatural ghost shit! The mimic as i understand them isn't able to do this level of planning or have these abilities.

Along with the princess quest room and the heavy implication that the princess quest ending is canon we might of killed Glitchtrap at his source while severing his connection to vanessa, why would the mimic still be around if they're also Glitchtrap?

Glitchtrap and the Mimic are just so different in actions and personality that it feels like a massive reach that they're the same being. It would suck if we well and truly killed off the scraggly little bun for real in security breech but like, damn atleast william afton came back one last time to give us the run around. because so far it's straight looking like glitchtrap and burntrap where seperate entities from the mimic Again i don't really expect much from fnafs storytelling but, like, come on.

[breakfastteatime]

Here we go! Breakfast Tea's (vaguely) coherent Survivor Thoughts!

Spoliers under the cut. You have been warned.

Cal - HOW MUCH TRAUMA CAN YOU PUT ONE PERSON THROUGH?!?!?! My heart aches for him. When the game tells you to use his dark side powers in the third act, I absolutely refused, hoping the game would auto-continue because I refused to engage. NOPE! NO CHOICE. And okay, yeah, it was A LOT of fun but ow ow ow ow ow. He needs SO MUCH TIME to heal. The end of the game hit so hard because it feels so heavy and uncertain. We don't leave off with Cal feeling hopeful for the future. He admits he's scared, oh, and by the way, STILL TAPPED INTO THE DARK SIDE. Throughout the whole story, he just goes and goes and takes blow after blow, and then it ends with him hearing Cere. Watch me write fanfic set after the game in which I send Cal off on his own because REASONS. Ahem, anyway!

CANON JEDI CANNOT COOK AND ALSO DRINK TEA, THANK YOU.

BD-1 - BD remains the best droid. The BEST. He is always there for Cal, and he's so happy to see Cordova. And when he hugs Cal after Cere dies? *sobbing* Also, it did NOT escape my notice that the option to EMBRACE THE DARK SIDE comes up after Bode punts BD across the chamber. I LOVE THIS LITTLE DROID SO MUCH.

Echoes - I love how the echoes work in this game. The entire quest starts out partially because Cal finds an echo. Some echoes are visualised, and you can re-experience them, which is nice to see in canon. Cal also walks through Dagan's memory which intrigued me. Basically, they remain completely integral to both Cal and the wider narrative.

Also, as a game, it is just a lot of fun to play. There are puzzles that make you feel clever for solving them. Combat was fun and exciting, I loved all the lightsaber forms, and I have learned that I am over-reliant on Slow in JFO. Honestly, it's all still buzzing in my head. I need to replay it at a much slower pace now that I can relax about spoilers.

The Mantis Crew - While I knew they would've all gone their separate ways, it was still a lot to take in. It makes sense to me (Greez isn't cut out for this, Merrin wants to see the galaxy, and Cere's longing to reclaim the Jedi's legacy), and I'm glad everyone got together eventually, but I missed their vibe... At least we got flashbacks!

Cere - Absolutely devastated at her loss. She was Cal's mentor and therefore basically doomed by Star Wars law (she's the Obi-Wan), but it absolutely destroyed me. And it destroyed Cal, too. Cal, who was hanging by a thread for so much of this. Losing her, and the way he lost her, was too much for him. I wanted to see more of her SO MUCH, but I understand why we didn't. Ooof, I'm not getting over that anytime soon. I got my wish to play as her (and yes, she's WAY stronger than Cal), but... but...

Bode - I had a strong feeling he would betray Cal, but I had no idea WHY. It was a really nice touch and worked really well. His motivations make perfect sense, and they aren't some galaxy-bending quest to rule over others - he's just a father desperate to protect his daughter. I *love* how this series tells personal stories in the midst of such *literal* spectacle. Cal chasing after him, everything that's happening because Bode's a traitor... ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. And then the end, when Cal kills him to save himself and Merrin? GoodBYE. Oh, and now I'm walking around finishing up missions and there are NEW ECHOES EVERYWHERE that come from Bode.

Cordova - WHAT?!?!?! I screamed, I cried, first when he turned up, and then again when he died. Agony. I am in AGONY. I can barely think about the game right now without breaking down. Also loved the reference to Qui-Gon Jinn, although I also think that makes Cordova a lot younger than I've been headcanoning? Oh well!

Merrin - She remains so much fun. Her and Cal's relationship wasn't what I wanted, but it was handled well enough. The whole fight with the two of them against the giant drill was AMAZING. I absolutely loved the visualisation of her warping power. Oh, and when they take shelter from the sandstorm, and she holds his hand while he's having a nightmare? Perfect. While I would've preferred the two of them remaining friends, them being together doesn't bother me too much.

Greez - he is just so worried for Cal. HE MADE UP A ROOM FOR CAL IN HIS CANTINA AND MAKES HIM TAKE A NAP AND THEN WAKES HIM UP LIKE OLD TIMES YES I AM ALREADY COOKING UP A FANFIC FOR THIS I CAN'T HELP IT. I love how he's always checking in with Cal, making sure he's okay, telling him VERY firmly it is not his fault when Cere dies. Oh no, here I go again, can't stop crying...

Koboh - I love that town and building it up. I'm nowhere near finished yet, and in no rush to do so.

Finale - it took me a while to really sit and take that ending in. In recent years, we've become so used to second parts of trilogies not really having dark and uncertain endings that it really hit me how bleak it initially feels. We are leaving Cal still mourning, still struggling with his own darkness, still hurting... and that works. It works because he isn't finished growing and learning. He's a survivor, but he's a long, long way from thriving. The ending fits. It hurts. Everything hurts. But that story got the only ending that fit how dark it is.

Hey. Hey, Sequel Trilogy. THIS IS HOW YOU TELL A COHESIVE STORY ACROSS MULTIPLE PARTS.

HATE VADER'S REDEMPTION EVEN MORE THAN I ALREADY DID, THANK YOU.

[protagonistheavy]

The failure of Concord has me wondering what the future of multiplayer-focused games is going to be like, in a future where gamers are simultaneously exhausted of live-service games and the FOMO attached to it... but yet also refuse to play a game that isn't constantly being updated with both patch notes and all-new content. It really feels like the middle-ground here is nonexistent, because I can't imagine a game like Overwatch or LoL being anywhere as successful as they are if they didn't thrive on live-service elements -- what are competing games supposed to do?

It feels like gaming, in this regard, is in an unforgiving bottleneck. The effect of overwhelming FOMO has resulted in gamers celebrating the lack-of-success in games -- people are happy to find out that a game isn't popular and thus they don't have an obligation to go and play it asap. Gamers are instead stuck with just a handful of live-service games that they refuse to let go of, because they've already invested so much of their time in making that game their personal live-service game, they don't have room in their schedule to learn a different game, play by different rules, pay attention to new patch notes, keep up to date with evolving metas, watch all the videos from content creators, etc. This creates an atmosphere that's hostile to new properties and keeps players locked-up in their choice of live-service.

And that negatively effects these other competitor games exponentially, because multiplayer games like this absolutely require a constant stream of players to fill up queues. Constantly -- at no point can the queue afford to dry-up without killing the whole game. And the only way to keep players engaged long-term, realistically, is to keep providing new content, new progressions, patching the game, etc. so that players have a reason to keep coming back. Otherwise, players naturally lose interest -- even games with extreme depth and long learning curves will inevitably lose the attention of most players that are more interested in shiny cosmetics or brand new characters to play with. 1v1-oriented games can sort of get away from this system, like fighting games, but even those are nowadays relying a lot on scheduled balance changes and new content in order to keep an audience that isn't just the top 1% skill bracket replaying the same thing over and over.

I guess what I'm at odds with is how the community actually feels about live-service games, because people love loudly declaring that they hate live-service games and hope they die, but then contradict themselves by constantly pouring their time and expendable income on live-service games -- with the nerve to then complain about other games "being dead" if they don't have a concurrent playerbase in the quintuple digits. And then there's the argument over what kind of live-service is acceptable, where again, people will say that they hate free-to-play live-service games, but then scoff at the idea of a live-service game coming with a one-time entry fee to get all the content.

So lol what do we want? Do we want these large multiplayer games to be one-week-long fads that you pay $60 for before the whole game effectively dies due to a lack of interest beyond that first week? Or do we want long-lasting multiplayer games that require new content and updates in order to retain a wide-enough audience to keep the game alive? I genuinely think a lot of people would read this choice and say "neither :)" and they are either totally not the target audience for these types of games (yet feel entitled to an industry-wide opinion about these genres) or they're the most miserable type of gamer that commits themself to playing games they actually hate.

Mind all this, I never expected Concord to be a big hit, because it had a lot of other problems going against it too. But when I see people celebrating its early demise, much of the attitude seems to be pointed towards the live-service system as a whole, despite live-service being the only realistic option for a multiplayer game to thrive in this current age. At some point, I think we need to accept that live-service is gonna be inevitable for games to stay afloat, and instead of hoping they all fail and gaming reverts by two decades, we instead figure out and speak-up about what live-service strategies are ethical and work well vs systems that are oppressive and unwanted.

[merge-conflict]

5 (it's wonc isn't it 😞) 16, 20, 21, and 22

ty for the ask :3 questions are here

5. worst discord server and why

idk the modding one? because it has a billion channels and as soon as I joined I got overwhelmed, muted it and haven't opened it again. you say wonc like I'm not logging on every day and going into a brainrot thread to play ocs. sammy and I are deep in a brain cancer arc right now. xD

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

getting Johnny back his original body. I don't hate it, but it seems like such an easy fix given how the original relic trials went and that it's not just growing a new limb but a whole body including the brain. saburo doesn't even do that with all his money in the DE, which tells me it probably would take a while to grow a clone like that, if it's even possible (if it was, why would they have tested on random bodies and know that that process works best with relatives?). and it's not like johnny was ever a well-adjusted guy in his original body.

I know the answer is fix-it fic. But I'm surprised more people don't want to explore the inherent body issues/compromises in the genre. But! I do think it's interesting if people do or do not write Johnny getting a cybernetic arm again -> something that both fucked him up and defined him. what a choice between honoring what was and trying to get a truly clean slate. anyway it's something like the happy ending with children thing where I don't personally see the appeal, and that's okay. I was just honestly surprised it was so popular!

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

I already complained about tech and the blackwall in a previous post. I guess on replays I really get bored playing Johnny's sequences or doing the BD stuff because once you know what happens it's just a slog to get through.

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

overhyped would mean that I hear about it a lot? and I so rarely hear meta discussions that I'm kinda starved for it. I guess I'm disappointed to hear the sequel in planning has a big AI component because I wasn't a fan of how the story seems to be going in the original game (i.e. I think they're going with a straight forward apocalypse monster angle which doesn't serve the underlying themes the way I personally want it to, which as we all know is what would be objectively correct).

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

this is a hard one because again I don't see a lot of discussion about it but again I see very little lore discussion so I could pick anything.

I think it's fascinating Johnny never once discusses where he gets the bomb (it's a Militech bomb) or the fact that bombing Arasaka tower is as good for Militech as it is for him. I thought maybe it'd come up in PL but nope! in game there's a shard that describes a Militech convoy being robbed by nomads, implied to be the one that was carrying nuclear armaments. was it a setup by Militech? or did they not want it stolen but get what they wanted anyway when they got Arasaka thrown out of NC? How did that contribute to the war later where NUSA tried to grab NC and failed and resulted in Dogtown's creation and Arasaka being let in? When Johnny signed up as a corpo soldier who was it that he joined? Was it Militech or some other corp that broke him by sending him into battle? Why can't you even discuss the fallout of Johnny's actions? Especially in that dream of his where he apologizes to the netrunner whose husband got killed in the blast? (does anyone else think it's spooky you can find that NPC selling vinyls on the street?)

Anyway besides Johnny's enormous hate-on for Arasaka I want to know what his opinions are on the other major corpo players beyond the simple fact he thinks they suck. But not even canon delivers on that sadly.

[cew644]

My personal interpretation of the FF16 ending

Back on my FF16 BS again since I've been replaying NG+. I haven't changed my mind much about the ending, but I think there could be two possible routes.

Major spoilers for the ending below:

So, for the people who haven't done the late-game side quests, there are quite a few narrative elements that could point towards Clive's survival.

In Jill's quest, there is a bit where she wishes to Metia (the red star) that Clive come back to her. Since Clive is like her treasure and her dawn. In the ending credits, we see Metia fade away, and Jill begins crying. She runs away to mourn but looks up and sees the dawn rising once again, and she smiles. This, alongside the lyrics of "My Star", have people speculating that Clive lives. I can get behind the Metia symbolism, but not the lyrics. The song closes with the lyrics: "And though our night is over you shall always remain, forever, my treasure, my star." That just seems like accepting and mourning the loss of a loved one, but that's just me.

The next most clear one is in the Hypocrates quest with Dion. After reuniting the two, Hypocrates thanks Clive and gives him a quill to document his journey after the fight. The bonus after-credits scene then has a book written by Joshua Rosfield. This, along with Clive seemingly narrating the book's intro and conclusion, could mean he lives.

So this is where I start to differ in my opinion on the ending. I've seen a lot of people say that this is just Clive taking his brother's name to write the book since "the phoenix's power can't bring back the dead."

There is no ending in my mind where Joshua dies. Clive did everything he could to try and help his brother. Joshua surviving Pheonix Gate and coming back is almost like a second chance to protect his family once again. Joshua dying again would go against this sort of second chance that Clive now has. So, Joshua clearly dies from Ultima, but Clive also absorbs Ultima's power of creation. I think you can pretty safely say he can use both Ultima and the Pheonix to bring Joshua back.

So with all this preamble out of the way, here are my two possible endings:

Clive lives: So in this one, all 3 of them live. We take all the sidequests as narrative foreshadowing. Clive still succumbs to the Cystals curse but lives long enough on the beach for Jill to find him. Her wish to Metia once again, came true. His hands are no longer functional, so rather than write the novel himself, he has his brother write down his story. This is why Clive is narrating the game, and Joshua's name is on the book. And if the brothers get to live, so does Dion. I abide by the film-making rules where if you do not see a dead body, they are not dead. The man is a dragoon. He can fall from crazy heights. The medicine girl and Terence can find him or something idk. This, plus his promise to Hyprocates to go and retrieve the Wyvern's Tail, could also point to his survival. This would be the best possible ending for the trio.

Clive dies: In this one, Clive is consumed by the curse completely. Joshua lives, and Dion is probably dead. Joshua, Jill and all the people in the hideaway write down a chronicle of Clive's adventure. As discussed in the sidequests, Gav takes up Cid's name and works with all the hideaway members to try and help the people learn to live without magic. All the people that Clive helps can still work to try and live in this new magicless world that Clive died to make. A world that Clive chose how he would live and die for. It's very true to the "a world where people choose how they live and die" that Cid and he vowed to make together. And for that reason, even though it's much more sombre, I prefer this interpretation. It also makes more sense to me because it's very clear that they didn't want Jill in the final boss cause they couldn't kill her and Joshua and make the healing scene make any sense. The theme is also about brotherhood. It's just an eldest sibling thing to do lol. Edit: Grammar.

[nikatyler]

Zeph 1.0

Almost there…yes I closed the game so I could get the 69 hours played screenshot…almost got it! 😅

I'm such a stupid 13yo at heart

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did i mention i love him

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Oof besties I think it's Moonrise time

Moonrise time over because ya girl is going to work tomorrow and it's getting late 🥲 but I so didn't want to quit the game today ugh

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Need to incorporate "let's not do anything hilarious" into my vocabulary because it's the biggest realest mood

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no way he approved lmao

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oh... OH

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forevermore? as in you and me forevermore? don't read the last page but i stay when it's hard or it's wrong or we're making mistakes omg a taylor swift reference!! 🤭🤭

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Zeph is looking so good in their new armor 😩

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Oh I'm gonna be reloading this fight a million times huh

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THIS WAS SO INTENSE WTF

Dude never thought I'd say this but Shadowheart carried this battle. I'm going to bed in game and irl because two intense battles back to back are too much for my anxiety 😭

This game is gonna wreck me isn't it

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So in the battle I had yesterday, Jaheira was killed, but I thought, well, it would be a shame to leave her stuff behind and she doesn't need it anymore, might as well take it…now I loaded the game again and notice she's there in just her underwear 😭 I'm sorry 😭😭

Yes I loot everyone and everything shamelessly, I learned from the best 🤭

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hole hehe

hole not hehe this is disgusting jfc

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"I could fix him" "I could make him worse" well I personally hope that *he* will make *me* worse

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We're not gonna talk about this party kill Nailed it! Took me three tries though 😂

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THIS GODDAMN PUZZLE I SWEAR TO GOD

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Big brain time

The f u c k?

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well i may have a few ideas how to use this one 🫢

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Well. I think I'll be starting act 3 tomorrow? 😬

(I'm excited but also nervous. Oh man this is exactly why I've never played this kind of games before 😂)

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I think I fucked up…I was going to do the crèche and the mountain pass stuff later but I can't anymore, I completely skipped it 😭 without too many spoilers, are there going to be bad consequences maybe?

I could pull up an older save but I've done so many other things already…I'm not sure if I want to replay them at the moment 🥲 Think I might just have to leave it for my second playthrough but it sucks that I completely skipped such a big part

And I know at some point it told me some things wouldn't be available if I continue but I didn't think it would be this 😭 I need clearer instructions y'all, I'm a dummy

This is ridiculous but I'm about to cry bc I missed such a huge part, I think I might go back to an older save and just redo everything idk 🥲 idk what to do 😭 overthinking this too much

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"magnificent bastard" is a wonderful gender tbh

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dude i'm not some fucking pokémon 💀

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oh god i love him 💀 is he wrong though?

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she's serving too much cnt to handle i'm afraid

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A fellow clown hater! 🤩

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ohhh i was looking forward to this line 😂

omg Zeph really went "so aren't you worried about that old master of yours? yeah? anyway wanna smash tonight?"

KJLFGKSJFGKLJL BRO??????? the fuck did i do to you

hello ?????????? ????? ??????? ???????? ??????? no genuinely i don't know what i did/did not do 💀 idgaf I'm handing his ass to Cazador

me and Zeph both rn

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delivery not guaranteed? that's so Česká pošta coded

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bears in the closet you say? what was halsin doing in your closet? 🫢

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not me actually accidentally making Zeph jump off of a very tall something

and right after the second short rest and the idiot took so much damage 💀

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Oh we're playing Among Us now, how fun!

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I fear this will be another full night of playing...not a good idea considering we're going on a family trip tomorrow but eh whatever

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We did it again besties, let's hope I'll get my sleep schedule back on track before I return to work 😂

But it was definitely worth it, I had so much fun playing today. Aside from essentially being dumped but I'm gonna clown and hope all will be well (no spoilers pls)…I promise I will be normal and not actually irl cry about it 🫢😂

Gotta love that rejection hypersensitivity that kicks in no matter what 🤩 real person, fictional, who cares, it hurts 🤩 (no really I'm okay, I'm exaggerating, you know me)

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Next time I go "hehehe I won't sleep tonight, it's gaming time", stop me please. I'm not built for this

And daylight savings are kicking in today? fk me rip my sleep schedule

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hehe god i wish

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oop

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I'm getting overwhelmed with all the quests jfc 😭 can we just skip to the part where I romance the vampire again

I also (and this is me overthinking again) can't help but feel like I'm playing the game wrong and that I'm ruining everything as I go and we will not reach a nice ending 💀

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WHY IS HE NOT WEARING MUCH KDAFJLAJKDFLKJ WHAT'S GOING ON I HATE THIS

What the actual f u c k was that

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